'Cultural Tradition'

Roxanne jolted slightly in her spot on the couch in the newly-furbished “living room” area of the Lair at the sound of Megamind’s voice. She let out a breath. “Ah, you scared me. I didn’t hear you come in.” She put a bookmark into the book she’d been reading and set it on the cushion beside her. “What’s up?” she asked, flashing a smile in her boyfriend’s direction.

Megamind smiled back. “I just wanted to invite you to… participate… in a traditional ceremony of my people. With me. If you’d like.”

Roxanne gave him a confused glance. “What do you mean a ‘traditional ceremony’?” She had no idea what Megamind was talking about. In all the time they’d been together, he’d never once mentioned anything like this. Why was he suddenly bringing it up now? She paused expectantly, waiting for him to explain.

“Oh, I suppose I should tell you. When the people of my planet reached a time when they had chosen a suitable mate, they participated in a cultural ceremony to… affirm their feelings for one another.” Megamind stumbled a little at the last few words, and Roxanne felt her cheeks warm as she thought about what he’d just said.

“So, like a wedding?”

Megamind coughed violently and his face immediately flushed deep lavender and pink. His cough turned into shaky, strained laughter. “Goodness, no!” he spluttered out. “No, no, no, this is nothing like that.”

“Okay…” Roxanne replied. What he’d described sounded like marriage to her, but she decided against commenting further. “Then how does this ceremony go?”

“It would be easier if I just showed you.” Megamind’s expression had changed from embarrassed to eager within a few seconds. Although Roxanne had gotten (mostly) used to his frequent mood changes over the last few months, his behavior now seemed odd, even for him. She eyed him incredulously.

“Hold on a minute,” Roxanne said, spreading her hands in front of her. “You were barely eight days old when your escape pod landed on Earth. How do you remember this much detail about your planet’s cultural traditions?”

For a split second, she thought she caught a trace of panic in Megamind’s features, but it was replaced by a sly smirk in an instant. He pointed to his oversized cranium. “I have a memory-forming capability unlike any other creature on this planet. I’ve had the capacity to form memories practically from the womb. Need I say more?”

Roxanne squinted her eyes at him. “Okay, but I thought-“

“Oh, do the details really matter all that much Roxanne?” Megamind cut off her train of thought. “I just want to share a part of my culture with you, if you’ll let me.”

Now she was really suspicious. He had to be up to something. Megamind never cut her off, unless he was really angry, and that rarely happened. But his last sentence got her. How could she say no to him wanting to share a part of his culture with her? She didn’t know what he was truly planning to do, but she couldn’t deny him a chance to share something special with her in case that was his intention.

She relented. “Alright then. What do I have to do?”

Megamind immediately surged forward and grabbed Roxanne’s shoulders as she stood up from the couch. “Nothing much. Just stand right… here,” he said, guiding her until she was standing with her back against the wall. Then he mumbled “now…” as he backed about ten feet away from her.

Roxanne did as she was told and stood perfectly still, narrowing her eyes at Megamind as he slowly began to stride towards her with a completely blank, emotionless face. Her heart hammered in her chest with each step, almost fearing what he was about to do. His behavior was totally strange, even for him. His expression became almost menacing as he neared so close that she could feel his breath brush against her cheek.

“What are you…?” Roxanne started to ask in a low tone. Her heartbeat quickened even more. She knew that he would never do anything to hurt her, but the look he was giving her right now, she had to admit, scared her a little. What kind of “ceremony” was this?

Before she had time to continue her thought, Megamind abruptly flashed a huge grin, grabbed both her wrists in a vice grip, stuck out his tongue, and licked her, sloppily, right across her cheek.

“Euuugghhh!!” Roxanne staggered away from Megamind, furiously wiping her cheek. “What the hell was that for?!” she cried, but her question was drowned out by the sound of Megamind doubled over in fits of laughter.

When he had finally calmed down enough to hear her, she glared and angrily placed her hands on her hips. She knew he had been up to something. “It’s not funny!”

“Oh, I completely disagree, Miss Ritchi,” Megamind choked out between giggles. “That,” he said, pointing his ungloved index finger at her, “was hilarious.”

Roxanne rolled her eyes. “So you just made up all that stuff about this being a “cultural ceremony” from your planet then?”

Megamind regarded her with a smirk and folded his arms over his chest, satisfied with his little prank. “Brilliant, wasn’t it?” he asked, his smirk melting into a goofy smile.

Roxanne reached out and slapped him on the upper arm. “You son of a -!”

“Ah ah ah,” Megamind cut her off for the second time that day, wagging his finger back and forth. “No swearing in front of Minion.”

“Minion’s not here, wise guy,” Roxanne replied. It was her turn to fold her arms over her chest.

“Oh, well, in that case…” Megamind glanced around quickly and raised an eyebrow at her. Then, without warning, he grasped her around the torso and bent her over, kissing her full on the mouth. She could feel him smiling against her lips. She let him kiss her for a few seconds, then finally shoved him gently away. She attempted to continue glowering at him, but couldn’t stop the grin that was tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“You’re a bastard, you know that?” Roxanne said teasingly.

“No Miss Ritchi, I’m an orphan. Get your facts straight,” replied Megamind, flaunting yet another goofy grin. Roxanne scoffed, hitting him on the arm again.

Then, inexplicably, she started to snicker, and soon, she was laughing along with Megamind, who’d started up again when he’d noticed her giggling.

She stepped closer to him, drawing him in by placing her hands around his sides. She kissed him tenderly then, allowing it to linger a bit longer this time. When they broke apart, Megamind looked, as always, dazed and flushed. She took the opportunity to place her hands on his chest and quirk her mouth into a smirk.

“You know I’m going to have to get you back for this, don’t you?” she asked in a slightly sultry tone, hoping he was still drunk enough from the kiss to not have heard what she’d said.

Right on cue, his face snapped back to reality and he glanced at her, suddenly puzzled. “Huh?” As she’d wished, he obviously hadn’t registered what she said.